10th June 2023 - Life n Grimes of Mr C

Today's song is - Johnny Cash's cover or Hurt

Today I have come to realise and accept that altho you may love someone, but they no longer help, support guide you or are there for you, the relationship with Life just dies.

Hope can only carry you and help you so much, but when you constantly get let down by everyone, then the time comes, when regardless of any promises made, that there is just no point in carrying on.

I am trapped, I cannot do much, I cannot get away from this hell of a house, with so many bad memories, the only I hope I have and it is very small and that is that Ken & Ben is right and next week I can have my transit back home, so I can tidy up the back and load up and get to Scotland!.

Scotland is my only hope to help me sort myself out, even those I know that if I get the 10 mike hike up to Fey Donald's Mine I will not be coming back down.

As I can barely walk with teh aid of a Zimmer frame 20 feet these days, that is not likely to happen, unless something happens, whilst I am at Straughtium near Fort William.

If the transit can be repaired I have enough fund for about 2 months so far, to stay there, if I am exceeding frugal with all spending and what I put in teh fuel tank.

I have started to look at a route to get me there, I know about 2- 25 miles is my current range for a days driving, somehow, I need to get that upto just over 100 miles a day, to make a 4-5 day journey to Oban.

If driving becomes to much  I may stop of and see some friends, but then again as 99% of them are no longer in contact in any way, this will almost certainly not be happening.

Here at home, I am ready to call it quits. last night I took all the tramadol I had in the house 18 pills, and went to bed feeling very disorientated and very sleepy and I was disgusted in myself that I awoke up late morning!

I cannot even do that right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I have done absolutely nothing, just about stayed in bed all day, just because I was so gutted to wake up.

Maybe if I could get to Peterborough I may be able to find some old friends I have not seen since the mid 80's and get something that will definately do te job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!