Hi Me.
Am still in the depths of the black dog, but this morning, I had to get on the phone to talk to people I have tried to stay away from, as I always seem to loose it with dealing with them!
First of was Santander, I was speaking to there fraud service for about 30 mins, when I realised I had got the wrong bank!
I apologised profusely but I could feel myself falling to pieces and so fucked of with myself!.
So onto Firstdirect, and they dealt with my claim very quickly and politely, but I was still forced to use the phone! and this has proven over the last 3-4 years something that just winds me up and tears me apart!!.
Hence one of the reasons, that I asked Lynne to take over most things phone/medical related for me, to protect myself from the stress and breakdown of my sanity...
Next was the dr's surgery to try and sort out the mess that Lynne had caused, because she just did not do things properly, I know in a cue and something just happened and I started to shake uncontrollably and threw the phone and stomped on it and went to hide in my bed!!!
I have no recollections of the next few hours, until I was at Andrews Timber and ordering items I wanted for the van conversion and was driving back home, a sorta peace came within myself.
Until I got home and the stress levels went straight thru the roof again.
SO I sat at computer n put me headphones on and processed items SOLD n Paid for.
I then looked at my post it notes, and saw a note about clearing the left side of my chair, so I can start to sort out all the paperwork, I have been finding and put it away!, Whilst this won't make much difference to the emptying of the computer room, it will stop me from keeping to have to move these papers around all the time.
Only a small job, but one that has made a huge difference.
I then started to list a lot of the items I had found, to start on the 20th dec and end on Saturday, which has made a big difference so far, even tho all my listing boxes are overflowing (except the CD & DVD tray, which now has some spare space, but I cannot get to the remaining cds from the disco just yet!).
After a rest, I just settled down n listened to some music that is safe n played cards, with the idea to try n calm myself down, not that it helped that much.
I cannot be arsed to do anything, no one here cares a fuck about me or help by doing the small jobs I ask them too, so that they are finished! so I have stopped asking as it is just a waist of time and effort on my part.
Anything I do now, I know I have no support, so somehow I will just have to do it myself, or pay to have it done, something I just do not have the funds for.
Just had tea and going to bed, dunno what the time is and I do not bloody care, I just wanna try n get away from all the oppression and those that are causing it.
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