Good Morning Folks.
Well that's another month passed us by, but for me at least November has seen a marked change in my mental health.
Ok the last few days my physical health has taken a bit of a hit, but where before the changes started in November, I would have lost the plot and be fighting a loosing battle as the Black Dog tries to take over my life.
This time my Calmness and serenity has fought those battles side by side with me, and with Lynne's full support, is allowing me to take small steps forward.
If this is what just the planning and getting ready for the Scotland trip, then I cannot wait to see how much better I am gonna be in Scotland, as we fight for the right to live and be happy n content once again.
But this time to find something I lost or never had when my parents beat me black n blue, and then farmed me off to my Grand parents. In those dark times, the only shining beacon I could see n fight for was Lynne and our children!.
I am beginning to understand that I am not only looking for something I lost when Timothy was taken in 2012, but it goes right back to my childhood.
Just how my loss of memory is gonna affect this fight, I do not know, or is it because of the loss of memory that, combined with the chat Lynne n me had and the Scotland trip, that has helped me find this calmness n peacefulness. ??
Anyway long may it continue to improve.
I know this website, altho at times a chain about my neck, has in it's own way been helping me, even tho at the moment I just do not have the time, to continue to add the older Albums.
But I know the time will come, when I can start to add them again.
Just a thought ? has this website, with finding all the pics and notes, that are now all nice n tidy on it's own ssd drive, helping me to focus on calmness ETC ???
Right Time to get on with the day!
I am not expecting much as my back is really giving me some grief and my balance is not too good either, from when I fell down taking all the listing boxes and contents all over the Computer Room & landing on the printer (not checked that yet to make sure it is still OK)
So I messaged Lynne to see if they could on the way home nip into Sainsbury's n get me some hot chocolate and some tray boxes, so that I can get these boxes sorted and out of the way quickly.
which they kindly did for me, so now, just waiting for my back to allow me to move about, without too much pain, hopefully by end of Tomorrow the listing boxes will all be sorted as I want them and in there new home....
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Hi Mr C.
Apart from your hurt back, you're sounding like things are improving, which is fabulous to hear.
Think of you both often and hope I can manage to see you both in the not too distant future.
Love and hugs sent. x
Hi Darlin, Many thanks for your kind words.
Yes things have improved since I made up my mind I am going to Scotland for as long as it takes me to get rid of the black dog and generally be at peace and calm with myself.
The chat with Lynne was the hardest thing I have had to do since 2012, I expected her to fly off the handle, but she was totally the opposite.
The only downside is she wont be coming with me full time, she is only 3 years away from retirement and wants to make sure her pension is the best possible. But she will come up for Skool Holidays.
We both know that being apart is gonna be hard, but then again I need to get myself sorted out and hopefully Lynne will benefit when she comes up.
Since that day of talking, we talk most nights and Lynne is helping me to get the transit ready, as once she retires we will be away a lot.
If this improvemnet has been brought on just by making up my mind to do what I think will help me out and hopefully Lynne as well then bring on Scotland. I thought it was gonna be pretty much a one way trip but now I know it's not gonna be..
You are in our thoughts as well, and we often talk about you. At least I have not forgotten you like some others who I have no memories off.
Keep well and look after yourself and tell that boy you have picked up, he better look after you !!
lots o luv xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx